• New Year's Resolutions With A Difference

    This article was published on December 28, 2011

    Making New Year’s resolutions for 2012? How about trying some that will benefit your marriage?

    Statistics show that about 38% of Canadian marriages end in divorce; of the 62% who stay married, only half of them would say they are “happily married”. So what can be done to improve the state of our marriages – including the happy, the so-so and the just-hanging-on-for-now relationships? Why not start by making some New Year’s resolutions together that will work for the benefit of your marriage? Experts say that developing goals together means greater success in realizing those goals. Teamwork works! That means if a goal is as good for me as it for my spouse, then I can bet on success and a better marriage along the way. It’s a win-win for both of us!

    Here are seven ideas to get you thinking:
    • Develop some shared goals – instead of focusing on individual pursuits, shared goals will strengthen your marriage, build friendship between you and give you a renewed sense of purpose in your relationship
    • Make your marriage a priority – spending time together is essential if you are to have a strong marriage. Sit down with your calendar and schedule ‘just-the-two-of-us’ time by planning regular date nights, or a weekend away a couple of times a year if finances allow
    • Reignite the passion – research shows that if both of you are happy enough with your sex life, it accounts for only about 15% of relationship satisfaction. However, if either of you is dissatisfied with your sex life, that dissatisfaction accounts for 85% of overall marital satisfaction
    • Commit to new, fun activities – when you were dating, you likely spent time together doing fun, interesting, new things. Once the routine of married life is established, these new, fun activities take a back seat. Commit to trying some new interesting activities in the New Year
    • Learn how to handle conflict in a healthy way – conflict in marriage is inevitable. How you handle conflict can determine whether you will stay married or are headed for divorce. Resolve to learn how to deal with those inevitable conflicts by taking marriage education classes, reading good quality marriage books, maybe even see a counselor if things are especially tense
    • Take a ‘technology-free’ break – many families spend their “together time” with cell phones, computers, television and so on. This destroys real communication and creates barriers to honest interactions. Resolve to have a ‘technology-free’ meal, day, weekend – whatever works for you – and use the time to focus on each other and your relationship
    • Do you or your spouse feel taken for granted or underappreciated? Do you know how your spouse needs to be loved? Make a resolution to love your spouse in the way he/she needs, rather than “modeling” what you want. Try reading The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Better yet, host a small group study of the book for couples either in your home or at your church

    A depressing fact is that most divorces are decided upon in months beginning with ‘J’ – January and June. Couples who have held on over Christmas because of family may decide early in the New Year that they’ve had enough and with the holidays over, they file for divorce. June is also a popular month for divorce – probably because couples don’t want to disrupt family routines until school is out for the summer. Either way, taking some positive steps toward a healthier, stronger relationship in the New Year can prevent your marriage from becoming a statistic in 2012. 

    Set aside time together and make some resolutions that will benefit both of you. You'll be glad you did.

    Happy New Year everyone!